i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
