Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
