I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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