I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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