Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
