listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
