So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
