my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
