these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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