May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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