Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
