Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
