o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
