I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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