Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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