Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
