I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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