you win again, gameday.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a search helicopter?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
