My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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