and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
