I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
