Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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