we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
