of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
