so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
