i think i have herpe
just one?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
