i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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