Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
