After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
