Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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