i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
