i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
