Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
