So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
