i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
