If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Still dying that you shit outside
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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