Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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