I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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