Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
