She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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