The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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