its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
