did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
