i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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