Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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