Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
