hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
