3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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