I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
