It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
