I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
